the end

I'm not sure what to do now, i don't think I've ever felt so defeated. Knowing that you're completely powerless to someone's decision is the worst feeling in the world. I've spent most of the night with my dad, he cheered me up.

I only feel like total shit when I'm alone in my room, especially when i first came home all of our pictures were still up, and everything you've ever drawn me had to be taken down. As much as i want to keep positive, it's not helping. I don't know what I'll do at night when i'm not waiting for your call, or what I'll do when i want to talk about books or music, or when i want a hug. I want to pretend like i don't care, I want to walk away and forget about it, but i can't. I can't help but hope that you might change your mind. I know there is no one else in the world like you. I know we weren't perfect, but it worked for a while.

After all of this, i think i'll stay away from the opposite sex. I really don't ever want to put my trust in someone again. It always seems to work out that way though, as soon as i feel completely comfortable things go down hill. I need to stop being so needy.

I can't help but think today is the last day i will ever hug you. It was hard to not move a muscle when you walked away. the worst part, is that we were the only thing in my current life that i was sure of. i mean, i never had to worry about it.

I don't ever want to feel like this again, i wish i could just sleep it away and wake up when it passes.

"Well, I guess that it's typical,
To cling to memories you'll never get back again,
And to sort through old photographs,
Of a summer long ago,
Or a friend that you used to know,
And there below his frozen face,
You wrote the name and that ancient date,
And you can't believe that he's really gone,
When all that's left is a fucking song."-Happy Birthday To Me(Feb.15th)

i've got a lot of music to cry to though, for real.