the bad dreams

i hate having dreams about you when we're happy and still together, because when i wake up, for a split second, i think they're real. but i especially hate having dreams about you and someone else, because when i wake up, i know eventually it will be real. what i hate even more is having these two dreams in the same night, morphed into one.

my dreams are becoming more real every night. this morning i could actually sense being awake and dreaming at the same time. i also think like i would in real life. last night when i walked around the corner and found you kissing her, i turned away and cried, but you came running and said it meant nothing. Then i thought how horrible my next post on my blog would be. we were back together after that and at a music festival, and i thought how all my progress in getting over you now meant nothing. Always in my dreams, you look at me like you looked at me last summer, you have your long hair, and have your backpack on.

maybe i am living in both the dream world and reality at the same time? but thats not true, because at least my dreams will end and those memories will fade, i can never forget you, I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

edit:

6:03PM

Panic attack number 3, in the last three weeks. i thought it'd get considerably less scary with each coming episode, it doesn't.