the birthday

alright so, i haven't had time really or the drive to write about my birthday. it was pure amazing though, delicious chinese food, 3 almost 4 hours of tattooing, Beirut show. i'll write in depth about it later maybe, but heres some pictures.

the first day of birthday week

my family is leaving for their vacation tomorrow, they'll be missing my birthday so we celebrated it tonight. they bought me a really beautiful ring with a blue jem and diamonds on the side, i've never owned a nice piece of jewelry so its a bit weird.

i'm going to miss them, but they will be back on Saturday and I'll have my tattoo to show off to them! I'm getting a little nervous, the thing is huge.

the message

I got a message from my Dad on Myspace now. We sort of exchanged replies and what not, he doesn't have a computer at home so we couldn't talk very long. (who can live without a computer? i guess i would be amazed). I'm not sure how to react now, after finding out the real reason why he hasn't spoken or seen me in 17 years. He told me that he's a great person who made bad decisions, and thinking about it now, we all are. We are all really great people who have done wrong, excluding Hitler, Mr. Dubbya, and countless other psychopaths.

Should I forgive him for making a horrible misjudgment when he was 22 years old? If anyone replies with something about how Jesus would, and the Bible tells me I should, I will gut you personally.

the reoccuring mood

I'm in a hate-everyone-everything-annoys-me mood.

Went to M.I.A. last night, I had such a blast, got real sweaty.

I watched Lords Of Dogtown because my dad bought it for me, I'm an Emile Hirsch fan. I really liked it, so now I'm going out to buy the documentary soon.

My dad taught me how to drive a stick shift yesterday, it gets pretty nerve racking. I'm a fairly good driver though, I should be getting my license in a few weeks. My Dad is flipping his shit though because i haven't had "professional driver's training." What did people do before there was such a thing as "profession driver's training?"

not speaking to me today is your best bet.

the pieces

I met Carrie yesterday, we hung around the Stanford and did some shopping. I haven't been there since I was a kid, so it was interesting being back where it all began with her (I was born at Stanford Hospital). We didn't talk much about my biological father, but when we did, I uncovered some important information. She didn't have to tell me this, i figured it out on my own; the reason why he stopped coming around is far worse than I ever imagined.

I've known for a while that he has a son, I have another half-brother. What I didn't know, is that he is 14-years-old. I am going to be 18 in a week, which means that it only took him 3 years to have another kid. But he stopped showing up when I was 2 1/2, December 1992. 18 subtracted by 14 is 3, which means that his girlfriend was pregnant just before the last time I saw him. He essentially chose between me and his new girlfriend and their child together. If i didn't feel like a worthless piece of shit before, i do now. This is bringing out all the horrible feelings i had about him when I was 14. Before all this, the idea of him didn't phase me, but after putting all these pieces together, the thought of him makes me nauseous.

I got a C- on my last paper, and I don't feel i deserved it, but I am not in the correct emotional state to be arguing with her. My diploma depends on this last paper, I hope I don't fuck it up.

M.I.A. tomorrow.

the breezy days

the last week has gone by really quickly. I can't believe I'll be a legal adult in 10 days, I'm not sure if I'm ready. I'm ready for the supposed freedom from my parents, but it doesn't really count considering I'm still living under their roof, under their rules. I will still have to ask to do everything, and abide by their time constraints, but I can get tattoos and buy cigarettes and shoot guns. All this baffles me, my mom drives me insane most of the time.

Today I went shopping with my mom because she wanted to buy me a new bathing suit. I found a beautiful summer dress for $15 and shorts, yes I said shorts, for $11. I got a bathing suit for $20, which is an extremely good price for a woman's bathing suit! And I got this all at American Eagle!

I drew up my tattoo last night.....
I'm meeting Carrie tomorrow, I am not nervous at all.

the honorary

I am dubbing this an honorary post, for no other reason besides the fact that I am very angry. The angriest I've been in a long while. (picture related, but not applied to the word 'honorary')

I'm disgusted by the news media in this country. Countless television networks, radio stations, and newspapers have ripped Sen. Obama over Rev. Wright's statements. Hour after hour of pointless misguided questions, and unfair assumptions, I am sick and tired of having to listen to it. If we sat and nit-picked President Bush the way this country has lost hours of precious time debating over Rev. Wright's statements, wouldn't he have been executed by now? Yet, who are we forgetting to mention? John McCain. Underneath all of these ridiculous 'news' stories, John McCain's 'dirty' background information is going unnoticed. Take this for example; a McCain endorser, (also a Pastor, how ironic) John Hagee, preaches that Jews have "dead souls," are cursed by God, and that God sent Hitler and the Nazis to commit the Holocaust.

I have not enough energy to even begin on that last statement.

the choices

Apparently I am a huge burden to my family because I sleep late and stay in my room all day.

I gave my mom a choice to either deal with it or kick me out, my family is fucking ridiculous. I can't express to you in words how much I'd rather just be sleeping right now. I sleep because I have nothing else to do, no drive to be awake at 8 in the morning with nothing to do. I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to hang out with anyone, I want to be alone. Why can't everyone just accept that?

the french lessons

so i've been taking french lessons for the last week with Rosetta Stone, I'm proving to be quite good at it. I haven't learned anything of real importance yet, things like "the old car is yellow" and "the woman drinks milk." my favorite thing to say is , "le garcon mange du pain," which means "the boy eats bread," it is a completely bland sentence that sounds like magic when you say it. This is the sort of thing that has drawn me to French in the first place.

The Washington Post featured a great article on Obama today.

the bookings

my next few months are filling up fast.
19th, meeting Carrie
21st, M.I.A.
28th, birthday, tattoo, beirut
June
1-7 Grandparents visiting
6th graduation
7th SATs, then MSTRKRFT and Steve Aoki at BFD
19th, Jagger's 2nd birthday
21st Death Cab
22ndish-30th New Mexico to visit Jake
31st mom's birthday
July
1-7th Vincent visiting
7th dad's birthday

jesus lord, this is so awesome.
seeing jake is going to be so cool, we're going to Denver for his birthday. Its weird that we are considered boyfriend and girlfriend, but only when we're working and talking on the phone hahahaha.

the narrow stairs

New Death Cab is really great, my favorites are Grapevine Fires and Bixby Canyon Bridge. I can't believe they recorded a studio version of The Ice Was Getting Thinner, that was my favorite bootleg!

I haven't heard back from the job yet, been 2 days.

I turn legal in exactly 3 weeks.

I watched Into the Wild again with my mom last night, she never watches movies with me, its seriously like pulling teeth. I made sure to pick a good movie, she cried during it, and she loved it. We spent the rest of the night until 1am googling Chris McCandless and his story. We're both going to read it, if she can find the time I guess. That movie inspires me so much, in the weirdest of ways. I don't feel like explaining it now.

the weird opportunity

I got to stay at my house today, no house sitting again until sunday night.
I went with my family all day to the grand re-opening of the Log Shop (surf/skate shop). My dad went to high school with the owner, and knows him pretty well, and his daughter goes to school and hula class with my little sister. After a brief meeting he told me to bring in my resume and I've got an interview. Its times like these when I appreciate how much my dad talks to everyone.
The new shop is immaculate, I've never seen such an amazing skate park inside of a shop. It used to be half of a grocery store, so they converted the front to their sales floor, and if you walk through a little hallway you get to this ridiculous maze of ramps and a humongous half pipe. There were so many people there, kids from the community, and professional skaters came out to skate together.

This is the part of Pacifica I like, no retarded girls in Ugg boots and Nor*Cal hoodies. Just passionate people coming out to skate and have a good time. Of course all the party regulars from high school came out and a lot of under-aged drinking started going around, which really made me angry. The owner has really built an awesome thing for this community, and all these retards who've never dropped-in a ramp in their lives come out to crash it.

I didn't want to come home, but my Dad was getting annoyed with all the idiots starting to show up, I think he understands now why I hated high school so much. I also got a bunch of cool pictures of the skaters doing crazy tricks. The guy who built the whole thing was there, and he is from Albuquerque, so my Dad and I talked to him about New Mexico for a while! Its still weird to meet New Mexicans outside of New Mexico, but it makes me feel at home.

I'm excited to (maybe) work there, it seems like my kind of environment, and its only a mile away from my house!

the wild

Last night I watched Into the Wild, and I must say it was one of the most moving movies I've seen all year. I cried through the entire thing, I can relate to Alex/Chris in so many ways, besides the living in the wilderness thing. I guess you could compare it to moving around so much, all the people I've met, yet I've left almost all of them behind and only talk to one person out of all the places, and that is Jake.
A lot of people found it selfish for Chris to leave his family and not call, but all he was trying to do was find happiness in himself. Many people are focusing too much on how it made his parents feel, rather than how they made him feel, which is why he chose to leave in the first place.

I thought house-sitting was going to amazing, so much time to myself, i can do whatever I want. My sister came to sleepover last night and when she left this morning I was so incredibly sad. Boston is a long way away. I thought that this is what I wanted, to be alone from everyone else, but what I need is to be constantly around someone.

My brain is whacked, I can't decide what to do next. I don't want to stay here any longer.

the obvious

It is now obvious to me more than ever that I cannot cook and/or take care of myself. I was watering the lawn and forgot, left on the water for 4 hours. My sister has come over to spend the night with me, I mistook the hash browns for vegetarian hamburgers, needless to say our meal was atrocious.

i got all of my pictures off my camera though, my brother is so 'out-there'.

i'm letting my sister stay up as late as she wants tonight, just because shes so hyper there is no stopping her. She'll crash at 10 anyways, but i have to take her to swimming lessons at 10 tomorrow morning, which means I've got to have her lazy butt up by 8. I swear to god just by hearing about us, you can tell we're sisters.