There has been a serious lapse in time here. I lost my computer charger in the move cross-country so there it is, my excuse.
Living in my own apartment is a kind of sanity I have always dreamed of. It feels like being in your teenage room, comfy, no loneliness at all. My job keeps me away most of the time, as it should. I couldn't ask for a better job, I feel like they are paying me to go back to school, I've been learning that much. Plus, I've met a lot of cool people, besides the asshole who stole my phone. So it goes..
My mental state has been in such a strange place lately. Maybe I'm thinking too much of it because I've never known what happiness feels like for more than a couple days. Everything pretty much fell into place when I got here with a job, the apartment, seeing family pretty often, all that was left was to clear my head. I am constantly searching for something wrong, I felt oddly uncomfortably comfortable when I broke into rage the other night over my stolen property, familiar feelings. I've been hanging out with someone who challenges everything that I am and everything that I've been, in a good way. If that makes any sense at all.
I don't want to say I regret anything, because regrets are only memories that you wish went differently but at least I've learned from most of them. It's 'unfortunate' that I have been in so many relationships, because now my love life is a joke to everyone. I always justify something new by calling it 'different' from the last, maybe it really is this time. He makes it easy for me to not think about the people who have hurt me in the past, because he is nothing like them, and that is all I can ask for. It's also nice to have a positive thinker around when I'm trying to be more of one. I have never been with someone who has been through such grief and overcome it, I like people with a story. I'm not asking to be shown the world through someone else's eyes, but it's nice to have different interests, he teaches me things and vice-versa. I think this is what is called a 'mutual-relationship'? I have been too busy trying to be in control. No one has ever pointed that out to me before. I have come to find that the person who you have chosen to love is a direct mirror of yourself, and it completely affects your well-being and choices.
As of now I am in a very clean state of mind, I don't even need to be high to go in public anymore.
Living in my own apartment is a kind of sanity I have always dreamed of. It feels like being in your teenage room, comfy, no loneliness at all. My job keeps me away most of the time, as it should. I couldn't ask for a better job, I feel like they are paying me to go back to school, I've been learning that much. Plus, I've met a lot of cool people, besides the asshole who stole my phone. So it goes..
My mental state has been in such a strange place lately. Maybe I'm thinking too much of it because I've never known what happiness feels like for more than a couple days. Everything pretty much fell into place when I got here with a job, the apartment, seeing family pretty often, all that was left was to clear my head. I am constantly searching for something wrong, I felt oddly uncomfortably comfortable when I broke into rage the other night over my stolen property, familiar feelings. I've been hanging out with someone who challenges everything that I am and everything that I've been, in a good way. If that makes any sense at all.
I don't want to say I regret anything, because regrets are only memories that you wish went differently but at least I've learned from most of them. It's 'unfortunate' that I have been in so many relationships, because now my love life is a joke to everyone. I always justify something new by calling it 'different' from the last, maybe it really is this time. He makes it easy for me to not think about the people who have hurt me in the past, because he is nothing like them, and that is all I can ask for. It's also nice to have a positive thinker around when I'm trying to be more of one. I have never been with someone who has been through such grief and overcome it, I like people with a story. I'm not asking to be shown the world through someone else's eyes, but it's nice to have different interests, he teaches me things and vice-versa. I think this is what is called a 'mutual-relationship'? I have been too busy trying to be in control. No one has ever pointed that out to me before. I have come to find that the person who you have chosen to love is a direct mirror of yourself, and it completely affects your well-being and choices.
As of now I am in a very clean state of mind, I don't even need to be high to go in public anymore.
