The Paper

I guess I'm back to reading the news. It's become a daily routine for me to check the headlines and poke about washingtonpost.com, it's the only online newspaper I read now. After reading this article on newly estimated U.S. war costs over the last decade, I came across this little gem about Obama harshing on republicans for not being "serious" about abolishing tax cuts for the rich, where I read this inciting statement..."cries of 'class warfare' from Republicans." This alone prompted me to have to say something to someone, something, anything.

For most of my conscious-opinion-making life George W. Bush was in office, I remember when he was wrongfully elected, TWICE. And although I have not taken the route of joining military service like some of my peers, I am not a total idiot on the subject of war, history, and politics. I have always kept up with the media, (only quitting the stuff briefly over the last year to take break from all the bad news) and talked openly with my family about our opinions, whether in agreement or disagreement.

Believe it or not, my father comes from a very white-collared republican family, who are immigrants from South America, but they once were apart of the rich minority so the last statement is irrelevant. We even have a few personally signed photographs of each Mr. Bush in thanks of support. My mother's side of the family couldn't be any more polar opposite, and this is the side I spent more time with. Even with all of these opinions flying around I was still able to form my own, which is the important part of this rambling nonsense.

Even the idea of Republicans crying "class war" makes me want to fucking puke. You know at least 85% of them came to the place in a private jet, the rest in motorcade. There is no class system in this country, there is rich and there is poor. The recession has cost almost all of my family members their homes, even my grandparents who are creeping into their mid-seventies, have been forced to hand over their two Oregon homes, their home business, and their dignity to the bank. Might I also mention that the house was going through foreclosure just as my grandmother was recovering from a year and half long battle with breast cancer. There will never be any rest for us in this world unless we are stinky fucking rich, and I have come to terms with the fact that this will never happen for me.

It's not that I didn't try hard enough in school or because I didn't attend a university (I couldn't have afforded it anyway, Connor's sister's student loan payments for a 4-year history degree from SUNY Albany has her hostage for 750$+ a month). I just didn't have the same opportunities that rich kids do, as far as attending private schools in a state where public schools scoot children along to keep the funding a flowin' (California), money was always an issue in my family. My mother would've packed on a third job just to get me through if it was honestly my ticket to investment banking, if it wasn't for a great teachers I did find in public education.

In the end I came out alright, I'm still making eight dollars an hour, but at the same time I don't feel like hanging myself from my necktie or jumping out of my office window, so things are good.

shit is happening in Greece right now, the entire country has come together in a group organized through Facebook. I don't care what pretentious assholes are saying, that is fucking awesome.

The First Trip

"Pool party," is the eight year old lingo I must use when my baby sister asks me what i did last night. "Pool party," can be translated into 21 year old lingo as, "crawling under the fence of a public pool to swim naked with a bunch of friends." It was worth the drunken after-show un-awkwardness to swim with a beer in hand to the dock in the center.

Summer is proving to be spectacular so far. We've made plans to go camping for the weekend, leaving friday night.

The Up Late

Tonight is one of only nights of the year that I will allow myself to stay up on the computer into ungodly hours of the morning, killing time essentially. Killing sleep time.

I've been all grumpy this week. The gay marriage debate is prominent in New York because it's being voted on, everyone is just watching and waiting for the suits to decide the fateful love of same-sex couples. I grew up in the Bay Area of California, it could quite possibly be one of the most open communities in the country. Not until I got older did I ever hear one of my relatives make a nasty remark about "the gays", and he's an ignorant white boy any who. My mother always had gay friends and I even had some friends come out to me in middle school. I'm too tired from being pissed off this week to fully divulge, but you get my drift. The audacity it must take for these so-called "pro-marriage" religious bigots to picket the capital is astounding, to deny a family's love because of your own opinions is rude, malicious, and insanely disrespectful. Sometimes I am even offended, their presence is surrounded in complete negativity and hatred, how could anyone agree with their statements unless they stem from something truly evil? I'd also like to hear ANYONE give me a reason against gay marriage that doesn't include the bible or religious beliefs.

The Catholic Church is threatening to shut down their adoption agencies just so they don't have to let same-sex married couples adopt, that has got to be the most unholy decision I've ever heard. But the bill proposes an exemption that would allow this kind of discrimination to be 100% legal, it blows my mind. Consider the fact that 27% of children grow up with two parents in the household, how could this possibly get any worse? You can't blame the destruction of family on homosexuals anymore, they aren't allowed to have families in 45 states, us "straight crusaders" have fucked it all up. I grew up with a parent with a head on their shoulders, and that is all that should matter. If they can prove that they will never massacre a pharmacy for hydrocodone, you should be allowed to be married and have children.

A poll at an elementary school in 2007 states 69% of black students, 28% of white students, and 36% of students overall lived without their father. I happen to be one of these students, an even though I'm statistically proven to be an unwed mother by my age, I'm not. Because I'm not a total fucking idiot.

Maybe what we should be focusing on is keeping the population from over breeding and using up the oil supply, then we'd all have a bright future. And I bet in 15 or 20 years when all of the old-time conservatives and old-time plain racists die off this world will be filled with happily married people who share the same genitalia.

The Exhausting Circle

I don't want to be at work today, nor yesterday, or the day before. I'm getting really sick of the run around of things. We have been so slow lately that everyone is under prepping and I'm running out of things left and right, it's annoying. Saturday is usually busy so there should be more prepped, and that person should have been me to do it, but I was too busy catching up from yesterday's lunch I had no time to prep for breakfast. I feel like I'm running a one-woman-show here, everyone is so fucking lazy.

Today is my one shitty day out of the week so I shouldn't be complaining. I am always complaining.

We've had three bands stay at our house this week, all foreigners, all has been well except a little inappropriate ass grabbing (sorry, I'm a prude, but I have respect for myself) and the Czechs not knowing how to use a fucking bathroom apparently. Paper towels do not flush, the toilet seat is for sitting, not for breaking. Luckily the cats aren't too mad at me for having too many guests, I've actually gotten my Milo back. He wouldnt even come near me when we lived with Connor's dad because Connor's dad is in love with Milo, and I think the feeling was mutual. He is back to his cuddly kissing self, Juni is the Nunester as always, just doin' her thing. I like commas today.

He's getting so big!

Now that we're basically settled into the house I am definitely more comfortable, I am enjoying dinner and movie nights with my friends :)

That being said, I am taking a much needed break from alcoholic beverages. I haven't been 21 for a month yet and I can't even tell you how many times I don't remember coming home, this needs to end! I am fucking my stomach up, I feel like shit at work, and bad things sometimes happen...

The Dead

All of this emptiness at work is giving me reason to write. It sucks that all of the assholes I don't miss while they're gone over the summer just happen to be our customer base, because we've been dead at work all summer. Lets just see what topic I can exploit today for my own amusement..

SLEEP

I haven't felt like I've gotten a good nights sleep since last week, and it's killing me. For a while I didn't get that early morning dread of having to pull my lazy dreaming face from the pillow, but it's back, the sound of my alarm is like nails on a chalkboard. I guess it's better than my mother's voice, I honestly believe it was part of the reason why I was so mean to her. Anyone who has to wake me up on a daily basis will subconsciously become my morning hate target.

Sleeping has always been a hassle with me. As a kid I would lie awake until 4 in the morning making pictures out of my ceiling, and as I got older I learned how to do things silently in the dark to not wake up my parents. I used to sit on the floor and sew with my machine with the tiny light and a book lamp during the summers. When I moved out of my parents house in California to Oregon when I was 18, I learned the magic of marijuana, and ever since then I've been able to sleep at night. It's costly, but for actually being able to fall asleep at night, it's worth it.

My sleep has always been prone to react to my surroundings, if I'm sleeping in a stressful environment I toss and turn and wake up in the middle of the night. Living at Lancaster I felt like I never slept, especially in winter. When we moved to Connor's dad's a few months ago, I don't think I've ever gotten better sleep than that. The good feeling has continued into the new house, but just this week I've been noticing a difference. I think I need a break from things, more like people.

My vacation couldn't possibly come any sooner.

The Drive North

After this weekend I'm not leaving my house for a month. I feel like I've been hungover since Saturday, it's now Monday morning and I can't wait to crawl back into bed. On Sunday I took a trip to Buffalo, NY to see a girl punk fest, it was alright. I got to see the band i went there for, i don't know if it was necessarily worth it, but now that I'm back from that terrifying drive home I guess it was worth it. We spent ten hours in the car yesterday, crammed into a van with 7 people. I don't even want to get into what a horrible time that was.

I'm getting really sick of things again, I want to revert back to my house and I am almost pissed off when there are people there I don't know. Not because I don't like them or whatever, I just don't feel like being social in my own house. I chose cool people to live with because they're the only ones I felt like would respect us and our belongings, as well as know when to fuck off when I'm in the dumps. I guess this is the Gemini in me, torn between two lifestyles. I love to go out but at the same time I am awkward and by the end of the night I wish I didn't go out. And plus, there is so much drama in Albany you can smell it in the air, this is one of the things i absolutely hate about this place. There is drama everywhere, but everyone is so miserable here I feel like they bring the drama on themselves most of the time. If you're gonna talk in public, everyone is going to know what you said, there is no such thing as privacy or secrecy anymore. I can't wait to have zero friends, honestly. I'm getting sick of the same old routine, I'm just sitting back and waiting for someone else to fuck me over.

I'd love to live in the country like connor's parents do. In the middle of butt fuck nowhere living the dream, raising intelligent children, farming, cooking, working and living together. They have the occasional neighborly visit but all they need is themselves and I strive to be that way someday sooner than later I hope. I still have things to do and see here, my good times being ridiculous are not over. But I have a feeling the smelly and I will be acting a fool forever.

The Drank

Literally, the only thing keeping me from puking right now is keeping my fingers moving and thinking of how shitty this blog post is going to be.

I went out last night for my girl Ashley's 24th birthday and decided to stay awake till 2 am taking shots of rum and chiefing some marijhuahua. I knew right then and there I had work at 7:30 am, but my drunk person is brave. I tried not to whine as much as possible, its my fault, but the power of being a manager is paying off all too well. I got someone to come in and work the ass end of my shift so really I'm just killing five hours on this couch because it's pouring rain and no one eats when it rains I guess. It is really easy to kill time on the internet.

Burping alcohol the next morning has got to be the worst feeling on the planet. Tequila doesn't sit well with me and I started the night out with a margarita of my own as well as Ashley's massive birthday drink which was a free kiddie pool of drink mix and double tapped tequila. Maybe I should stop talking about this, it's occupying my brain with the worst thoughts.

I'm supposed to be going with some friends to buffalo tomorrow to see an all girl punk fest, but at this point I am NOT looking forward to it. The thought of waking up on my own and spending a rainy day inside is looking exponentially better than sitting in a van with 7 people for 10 hours. Although I do want to see the bands, I'm a hermit. Sunday is my only day off during the week too, god, what am I thinking. If Connor wasn't playing I would DEFINITELY say 'fuck it' lets watch horror movies in bed, but Anal Warhead must go on.

Eating toast and napping as soon as the counter girl gets in...

The Wave

My Juni and I have been feeling the same way about the heat lately. The cats sleep in the window sills while the rest of us sweat our asses off. This heat wave is crushing, especially when you work in a kitchen with no air flowing. It was almost 100 degrees yesterday!

The Monotony

Holy shit! I have readers. I mean, at least one, which is cool. :]

only 50 something days left until the California trip, i can't wait. I'll be making stops at all of my favorite food places, Japan Town, the wharf, the sourdough! I will eat mexican food every day. More importantly I can't wait to see my family. My sister has been calling me every day since she learned how to use the phone, I'm excited to be there for her 8th birthday. I can't believe she's fucking eight years old. I remember holding her in the nursery, hearing her first cry, and cuddling in the early morning in our parents bed waiting for the arrival of my quickly descending baby brother. Even though we're 13 years apart we are really close, even with all of this distance over the past 2 years. She is my little weirdo, my oli, my only sister.

I wish my parents could see New York and see where I've been all this time. I almost don't want them to come to my current neighborhood, it's not dangerous is just disgusting. I live right on the outskirts of the college ghetto, in the infamous city where in celebration of "Kegs and Eggs" (the made up college holiday before st. patricks to wake up at the crack of dawn and start pounding keystones) the students flipped cars, damaged property, and lost all respect for themselves. This worked in favor for all the people who had to clean up their mess, they had all of theirmade-up celebrations cancelled for the rest of the year. I like my location because it's close to my work and a walking distance from all of the places we hang out, but the students here are disrespectful, dangerous, and complete idiots. A lot of them are rich trust fund kids from all around the state. I've seen more garbage and violence/drunk ass fights in this area already than the entire time i lived next to the projects in my shitty house. I can't wait to leave Albany and go some place where people have ideas and creativity, but for now it's home. The summer has started and most of them have left, but they always come back.

I forgot to mention mine and connor's one year anniversary! It was a blast, we went out to an insanely expensive restaurant and we drank a lot of wine. I love you Mr. Hogan!

EDIT FOR RANTING://

So now that I'm the front house manager of the cafe, I thought it'd be awesome. And sometimes it's definitely rewarding, I'm at the top of the totem pole, but some days I like to strangle my phone and pretend its the employee on the other end. The summer brings slow business for us surviving in the college ghetto, there aren't that many hours to go around, and splitting it between 5 people is even harder. Everyone wants more hours, yet I have one girl who doesn't show up for two days and bitches about not enough hours.

The Follow Up

My 21st birthday came and went throughout memorial day weekend, as it always does. I didn't get wild and crazy, man, in fact I took it fairly easy. The joy of being old enough to drink where everyone else does decreases the likelihood that I would want to lose my mind on fruity carbonated alcoholic beverages, I would much rather enjoy feeding the jukebox (which is now touchscreen, you're fucked johnny rocket) to play "don't stop till you get enough" sipping on a delicious hard cider or blueberry wheat ale.

The move into the new place went easier than I thought, despite the fact that it was blazing hot for the 4 days I had to unpack. I'm not done. I'm lovin' the house, I love living with my friends, it makes my life 50% easier to know when I come home I can actually relax without getting pissed off at my shitty living situation. Work has been slow, the college students left the area for the summer so we've been closing early, but this means more time off for activities! Like New York City trips (35$ train ticket to huge angry wonderland), new tattoos, and park time.

We bought our tickets to california which means it's official! Next month I'll be on the beach again! And maybe I can get away from these allergies for a little while.