The Bad Dream

Lately I've been having a lot of bad dreams. i woke up one morning last week crying because I dreamed of hanging out with my brother and sister and then losing them in a mall. It really made me miss them. The only time I get to hang out with them now is in my dreams, so when they're over I get really sad.

Yesterday morning I had a dream that my Chef was screaming at me for ditching school on Tuesday. It was pretty scary because that dude can yell.

This morning I had a dream about an old friend's shitty snaggle-toothed girlfriend ganging up on me with his even shittier ex-girlfriend, it wasn't too bad though because I got to tell them off in the dream too. People suck, even in dreams.

Even though this is almost completely unrelated to my bad dreams, it correlates with bad friends.

The more and more I don't talk to you the more I realize what a shitty person you are, and how you hurt me in more ways than i can count, and also that it's not okay. I don't call you anymore because I can't talk to you without thinking of all the shitty things you've done to me and other people. Its sad to think that I thought you were the only one on earth who would ever be able to trust, and it turned out the exact opposite. You don't agree with the way I live my life, or moving to New York, and I'm okay with that. And don't call me when she starts fucking any of your other friends.

Like I said before, I'm leaving all this shit behind me on the west coast, including our friendship.

The Tilly Cover

The Return to Normalcy

I've been back from California for about a week now. Josh has been on tour with his band since Monday and won't be back until this coming Monday. The house has been so lonely without him. Nyx and I just hang out all night after school and watch the Food Network. She has become a very cool cat, she just kind of hangs out all the time. She learned from the best!

I think the trip to San Francisco was a huge "closure" between me and California, now I have to say goodbye to Portland. I told my grandma today that we were moving and she looked really sad. This was after she told me she'd be starting chemotherapy in two weeks and will be undergoing treatment for 4 months. I hate leaving her in the middle of all this complete shit (there are no other set of words I can use to describe this current situation, I'm trying to clean up my mouth). Being in the kitchen has definately worsened my sailor mouth. Even my Chef today told us to "pay attention and don't fuck it up." All jokes aside, he rarely curses. He sings the theme to Alladin more than he curses. The food service industry is a strange, and some times very drunk/high, world. I'm excited to get a new job doing what I love, but I'm not looking forward to the hunt.

Off to a weekend of work, and cleaning for when Josh gets home!