the boyfriends backkkk and he is in big troublee

joking! sing it to a rhythm though..

i saw him today for the first time since he left for school. i missed him so very much, and it was the greatest day I've had all week. I couldn't give him any sweet kisses because i'm still getting over my sickness. i took some pictures, bought a new Lomo Oktomat, which i've now named Oktoclops. We ate really good food, and Ben&Jerry's. I bought Rules of Attraction, so i have that to read now, the first few chapters have been great so far.

I won't see keith again until October 5th for The Shins in Berkeley.

i love you!

the sick workday

This morning i still went into work even though i wasn't fully feeling well. I showed up a half hour late because i didn't wake up on time. It went well though, all the japanese orders came in and they were all really cute. We got in this huge Kuromi plus that is 300$ and 3/4 as tall as me. I came home, changed, and went to my dad's bash he threw for fog fest. The were all trying to get me to do a beer bong but i told them to grow up, then i went home to watch my brother and sister so my parents could stay out for once. My brother drives me crazy, and my little sister is growing up so fast. I put my brother down to sleep and my sister and i started watching Goonies, but she fell asleep. Data is my favorite.

I'm seeing Keith tomorrow, should be a good time.

My tamagotchi died yesterday, sort of like my immune system. Its alright though, he evolved looking way too Russian, uni-brow and everything.

ALBUM REVIEW!:
I got Art In Manila-Set the Woods On Fire yesterday, and after reviewing it this is what i've heard so far. Let me start off by saying that Orenda Fink is the lead singer in this band, (former member of Azure Ray), Art In Manila is basically a slightly faster paced Azure Ray, her voice is so distinct you only associate it with one band. So far the only track that stands out is "I Thought I Was Free." Its almost like the band went for a more Cursive sound, but with obvious Azure Ray vocals. In the end 5/10. NOT IMPRESSED.

the sick day

i woke up at 3 in the morning tossing, turning, and shaking with adrenaline. I thought i was cold, but then i realized i had shared a plum with my sick sister the other day. Within an hour of being woken up by my terrible stomach ache, i got up and threw up all over my room. It was so terrible. So now my body feels like i've thrown it down a flight of stairs. This is the 3rd time i've had this stomach flu, and its still the worst feeling in the world.

i missed the homecoming rally(thank god) and an economics test which sucks because now i have to go and make it up when i actually studied for once.

the slow start

i've been really irritable today. i know why, but it's starting to get on my nerves. I thought i wanted my family to come home from the road trip but now i realize that they are the most annoying people on the planet, and i have absolutely zero amount of "brandi time." its back to nagging and yelling and frustration. on a good note, school went by fast today. the two p.e. classes are starting to wear me down, my knees and ankles are angry with me and refuse to work properly. Tomorrow is the pointless homecoming rally, it's been "spirit week" all week, and i can't wait to get back to normal when all of the kids go back to wearing their normally ridiculous clothes. i don't think that wearing so much eyeliner that it looks like you've been working on an oil change and accidentally rubbed your eyes, counts as proper make-up, i'm pretty sure theres a fashion police law about it. Also, everyone else who shops at the ever-rebellious-Hot Topic has the same outfit as you, you aren't unique.
My senioritis hasn't kicked in yet, because I've only missed one or so days of school, but every morning i wake up i do think about faking sick and staying home. Maybe senioritis isn't only when you don't show up, its just when you don't want to be there. Theres a strong, focused hatred towards at least 4 people in every class, idiots seem to be drawn more to Schneider's classes though.
We were doing this unit on Do The Right Thing in film class, and since it's about racism one person decided to make it about ignorance (then the entire class followed suit). Which i guess in a sense holds some sort of truth, but honestly its the not the entire theme/premise of the movie. The worst part is that she kept replying, "ignorance, ignorance, ignorance," to every question. Get a new vocabulary, PLEASE. I just strongly dislike pretentious people. Ignorance does not explain the theory of love and hate throughout human history, while it does relate, ignorance is not the definition. Trying to sum up man's existence with one word is completely irrational.

I do wish our human history could be summed up in the word "Love", though.

I finished Sowkins today, the last chapter was my favorite. There are a lot of life lessons in the book i can relate to, practically anyone who has a working mind can relate to the feelings, I really loved how she captured the memories in such a detailed description. I've been writing her lately, and for the past two days i'd come home and have a message from her, but today i haven't gotten one yet.

In our film class we're starting a unit on photography, i can't wait to bring in some of the photos i've been taking lately. Mr. Schneider's going to let me use my Lomo camera in class for the assignments, i want to go get another this weekend from urban outfitters.

(Pictured: A tree covered in postings on my trip to oregon over summer. I'm thinking about bringing this one in for our "show and tell" (of sorts) tomorrow. i can't decide on which picture to bring in though)

the hot day

it was ridiculously hot today. 100's it seemed, but i think it was really 91. school was tiring, and i couldn't wait to get out of the heat, so i went with my mom, sister, and brother to the beach. we had fun except when i got hit in the face with a rock when i went under a setting wave and it pushed the post of my nose ring into my septum, i didn't feel it because my face was numb from the cold water. i went to wipe my face of salt water when i look at my hands and they're covered in blood, it stopped bleeding after 10 minutes or so and i have yet to feel or look at the huge gash in my septum. other than that, the day was average.

i sort of want to cut off ties with everyone i talk to in New Mexico, except Joaquin and Brad. This one girl who was friends with one of my other friends, who i met once, has been thrashing my name on more than once occasion. I first of all don't know why i am an "idiot," and all the the other nasty brilliant things you've come up with like "crack head," when I've only met you once and you weigh about 11 pounds. I honestly feel nothing for anyone else i talk to there, i barely ever talk to Jake. Some people have no class. (An embarrassing fact; That girl is obsessed with her teeth)

Keith is coming home this weekend and i get to see him on Sunday. Excitttttttttted.

(oh yeah, i also took a lot of lomo pictures, mainly of my cute brother eating this red plum we bought at the market for 30 cents. something about a baby engorged in fruit, is adorable)

the author

i finally took the time to research that book Sowkins that Keith and i discovered a few weeks ago. It took me a while to put the pieces together because it was self-published and i had no clue where to look. So after losing all hope of ever finding another one of her stories in another book store, i googled it. I found her photography page that gave me a link to her myspace page. I messaged her telling her how much i have enjoyed her book so far and i was very surprised to get a message back from her when i got home from school today. so far we've talked about writing and i've asked her about some of her influences, because sometimes its hard for me to get inspired to do great work, and knowing where her brilliant writing started is a clue.

i went to the gym with my dad today and went for a walk along the beach, we saw Rob Schneider and his mom walking, my dad said hello to them because he knows his mother, and they were very sweet.

the bad day

hannah rolled her car, my sisters in the hospital, my brother just got out of the hospital, i fucked up all the paperwork at work, i have 50 pounds of clothes to fold, and no one answers their phones anymore.

1 good thing i learned today; it takes three days for hickeys to go away, and now i can wear my hair up in p.e. again.

fuck.

i just want my family to come home so they can hug me and i can go back to being pissed off.

the lack of age

im not in college so i dont have to attend events that make me have to call people back.
im not mad, i swear. i just hate being this young and stuck here in high school while the rest of you is somewhere else moving forward.

god, i hate that i was born a year later. but its not like i'd get into that school either way, and be exactly where he is doing all of these fun things together, but i sure as hell would be less mopey about it.

the college boy

he's leaving tomorrow, and i think im still in some sort of denial. i'd just keep busy until he comes back next weekend. i keep telling myself its alright its only an hour away, but it seems like so much more. im so scared for the future because its really up in the air. i know that now, i love you, and i wish that could change everything. i want everything to be simple again. i don't know if last night was the last time we'd ever be the same, i've changed everything in the last year and just now i started getting comfortable again. you seem to be the only thing that gets me out of bed anymore.

i was really sad today. i had to hold myself back from crying in almost every class, and the nerves and anticipation of doing my monologue in drama completely contributed to my adrenaline making me want to run out and cry in the middle of it rather than speed through it and get it done. i was under so much stress just from the morning that i forgot almost every line and started making up shit towards the end. on top of all that, my teacher told me my character was boring and depressing, i guess thats just how my mood is summed up today.

my mom texted me first period telling me that Mikey rolled his jeep 8 times and had definately broken his back, they we're waiting for him to wake up. Mikey's known me since before i was born, he's my uncle's best friend, and my grandparents consider him a brother to all of us. so many people we know have died this month and i can feel it starting to bring me down, im more frightened of death than being homeless, although that might equal out the same when you think about it. i even skipped out on the funerals because i didnt want to be near a casket, i hate them. death is so permanent, my life is constantly changing. since my family left for new mexico last week its just been my dad and I, and i feel like they've died, its so quiet around here now, i miss them i miss them so much.

i've gotten myself two therapists, their names are Ben and Jerry(s). oh chunky monkey how you soothe me.

as much as i could drown these sorrows, i just want to fall asleep.

the neglect

Dear Blogger,
I am so very sorry for neglecting you pretty much all this week, its getting busy over here. i mean, looking up the definition of "pseudo-communism" on urbandictionary definately counts as busy. i haven't been doing much of anything, saw keith today, went to work and beach clean up yesterday, and went to haight with anita friday. keith's last day here is saturday, but he'll be coming back almost every weekend! and the weekends he doesn't, i'll go visit him, maybe. hopefully. it's gonna work out, and you want to know why? because Jude and Lucy did.

the wierdness pt. 2

i've been feeling weird lately, i bet its all those naps i take now. the naps keep me from being in a bad mood most of the night. but i always wake up feeling indifferent.
d-day is coming too soon. only 11 days till he leaves, i don't want to even think about it. i know blocking it out wont do me any good in 11 days, but for now, its working.
its september 11th, we did nothing at school for it either, fuck Iraq though, right?

the awkward memory

uhm.


the other day i took Anita to la playa to eat burritos and ice cream. she was cooped up in her host family's house all day so we just hung out for an hour before i went to work. our conversations are funny, because she talks to me in spanish and i respond to her in english.

been taking lots of pictures lately, hopefully ill develop my lomo film soon.

the ben

hellllllllloooo ben kweller. he tickled me and called me sweetie. if thats not love and devotion, i dont know what is.

the gifs

today i didnt do much. went down to the beach, tried to take some pictures with my new camera, film got stuck so i had to call brad to help me out. hopefully my first roll will come out alright, and im hoping for double exposures(*fingers crossed*) on the film that i had to fix. i hung out with my siblings, which was much needed and appreciated. my parents left for a little while and when my brother awoke from his peaceful nap, he was anything but peaceful. what do little kids like? cookies. so i loaded him and my little sister up with oreos and nilla waffers while we listened to ed rec vol. 2, they loved it. we taught my little brother how to laugh with his hands on his belly, and also the art of dipping cookies in milk. i also made this gifs a little later with the help of my mother's steady hand.

the new baby

i bought my first lomographic camera yesterday, she is my new baby. i've named her Coy.