the beginning of change

I haven't had much to update about, i spent the last few days working on my research paper, took me 7 hours to complete, and I still need to finish typing the final draft!

There was an excellent news article on Digg this afternoon, all of you who still trust your news sources better read it; Have You Left No Sense of Decency?

I'm house-sitting all week, which is great, because I have a house to myself and tons of cool stuff to do. I'm glad I've met such cool people who let me stay in their house and water their lawn and eat their food and play their wii and ps3 and watch their appleTV. They get HBO too, and all the good channels like VH1 classic. I just watched Imagine: John Lennon, and it made me really sad.

They just don't make people like him nowadays. There is no celebrity or prominent figure speaking out for peace, they're all in it for the money and too concerned with their wholesome image. I promise you if I ever become famous, I will scream till I'm blue in the face for peace. And just to throw this out there, I really don't think Yoko broke up the Beatles. I mean, they all grew up and grew apart. When you were younger you loved the power-rangers or whatever you loved, you don't still love it now do you? Lennon fell in love, and found passion for Yoko.

Jake is sending me a letter this week, and I'm excited.

the shadows

I have relatives coming out the ass on Myspace. It's like all these people are coming out of the shadows and are trying to make an attempt to love me now.

I agreed to meet up with Carrie next week, and I'm excited. I feel like she deserves a chance at having a relationship with me, no matter how long it has taken her. She is really trying to give me my space, but keep in contact, and is not pushing me to accept her as my Grandmother, I was the one who suggested we meet up next week.

I came back from dinner and got a message from someone named Donna, stating that she's my dad's wife and they've been trying to contact me. I know that they've been trying to get a hold of me, calling my Grandma in Oregon and leaving their number. The thing is, I don't care. I don't want to talk to him just yet. It's sort of a strategy that has just placed itself in my hands. Carrie contacted me first, so she deserves the first shot. It's sort of like when you eat left-overs from your fridge. First, you unwrap it, put it in the microwave heat it up a bit, then you get to the big prize. Carrie is the unwrapping, and the heat is our meeting next week. The prize has yet to be won.

I told her that I haven't called for a reason, and also about meeting Carrie and wanting to see how this goes first. She replied just now saying it's alright, we don't want you to feel uncomfortable blah blah, your Dad wants to talk to you, your Dad wants to see you, blah blah.

Dad is a foreign word to me, and it's still weird to say it. I don't call Joey "Dad", i never have, but I do consider him my father. All of this nonsense is exactly that, nonsense. Why couldn't they have just not fucked up in the beginning? Because now they're going to spend the rest of their lives making-up for it.

the possession

I'm angry right now, about God knows what, but I'm going to take it out on Death Cab's new single which I haven't bitched about yet.

First of all, theres a 4 minute and 30 second intro to the album version track, which contains absolutely no excitement and the most boring build-up I've heard all year. Ben has watered down the lyrics, the song is really simplistic in a repetitive way which makes me wonder if he's deteriorating creatively. The long intro is undeserved for a song such as this. The last time I got excited about Death Cab was Transatlanticism, and the 500th time of hearing "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" on the radio make me vomit. Seriously, that song was mine and Ryan's 2 years before anyone gave a shit about Plans besides "Soul Meets Body".

On top of all this bullshit, I'm about 80% sure that I'm lactose intolerant. But not to cheese or ice cream, just milk. It's the nesquik I can't stay away from.

the huge dissapointment

Jake's band canceled their summer tour, so it looks like I won't be seeing him here. I think the plan is going to be visiting him there in New Mexico for a week and going to Warped Tour in Las Cruces. I now have to save at least $400, it's going to be difficult but it means I need to find a job as soon as possible.


i'm so sad.

the middle name

She thinks my middle name is Marie, but it's not. For the past 17 years she has believed my middle name to be Marie. I cannot express to you in words the sheer hilarity of her ignorance, because my middle name is, and has always been, Michele. All the years she has searched for me, she's looked for a Brandi Marie. I have to admit it has a better ring to it than Brandi Michele, but it's my name and it will forever be that way. As my 3rd grade teacher would say, "close, but no cigar!"

I hate that she signs her messages to me as, "I love you, Grandma."
How does she know she loves me? I could be a serial-killer for all she knows.

I finished Maus II today, i cried a lot in a few parts. The part when Vladek describes the children being taken from the ghettos and taken by their feet and slammed against the walls to kill them, really struck a nerve with me. I am imagining my little brother and sister being taken by uniformed men and killed for sport in the middle of the street. I'm finishing Night by Elie Weisel and still continuing The Diary of Anne Frank, hopefully I'll finish it this week because I've rented the movie from the library and it's gotten good reviews.


Ever since I started researching the holocaust for the past few months now, I've been having dreams of being stuck in Auschwitz and Birkenau and forced to dig ditches for corpses to be thrown into and burned. They are not the most pleasant of dreams, and I wake up crying, but I believe it's the closest I'll ever get to understanding the horror of being taken prisoner by the Nazis.

I have yet to find an explanation to why I'm so connected to this tragedy. When i'm not reading about it, or watching movies/documentaries about it, I am thinking about it. maybe it's because I can't believe that in 4 years 6 million people were killed in the most inhumane of ways. Everything reminds me of it, when I look at an archway all I see is "Arbeit Macht Frei"(at the entrance to Auschiwitz 1), when i see piles of shoes I think of the trip i took to the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington D.C. 5 years ago, and the room filled with the shoes of the deceased.

Whatever is connecting myself to this, is changing my life forever.

the negative outlook

A few nights ago I watched Tommy Tiernan's stand up on comedy central's "secret stash". He made so many valid and hilarious points about America and Americans. I've never noticed it before, but really our whole country's main goal in life is to be happy. I thought this was normal, everyone in the whole world wants to be happy, but I guess no one else in the world wants it as much as we do. He started talking about how the Irish are pessimistic and that it's completely alright.
My whole life my mom has always been on my case about being negative about everything, I could never find a way to change it. I have now come to the conclusion that it is because I am Irish, and I also have some of their other personality traits. I really don't understand what is so bad about being a pessimist.

The Jason Beghe interview is going to open so many eyes on Scientology. I wish people would stop just talking about how nuts it is, and would actually get out and do something about it. And also, shame on YouTube for canceling XenuTv's account, honestly, Scientology has your balls in their hands now.

And speaking of people taking a stand but not doing anything about it...I'm sick of all these high school run "Save Darfur" clubs. I went to join one at the beginning of senior year and 95% of the kids there for the first meeting couldn't locate Darfur on a map. They are there for the intention of helping people in genocide, when the number one thing they can do to help hasn't been done. And that is getting informed.

I cannot be happy about the world every second of the day when every other minute I am being reminded of how and why I have lost faith in humanity.

the quirky

My biological father's mother has messaged me on Myspace, and is trying to add me as a friend. I don't want to approve her because I don't want her to see all the cursing and pictures of me drunk off my ass. Although, I should just let her see them since it's me, but I don't party anymore.

If you remember, we talked back in January, and i told her we'd keep in contact when I got back from Oregon, but I never called. I don't know why, most likely just because i didn't have a thing to say to her, and I still don't. I literally have to tell her my entire life's story, she missed everything. I have to start from the very beginning, which I don't remember. I should start writing down childhood memories that I do remember, so I won't forget those later on. I just really don't know where to begin with her, honestly.

she wrote this in a blog,

"I'm looking for my grandaughter, Brandi Reynolds. She will be 18 years old in May.

She is loved and missed."

I'M NOT DEAD!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall was good, I saw Jason Segel's penis like three times!

the depletion

my money for my tattoo is slowly trickling out because of all the incredible concerts coming up that i cannot miss. and also i got something for my mom's birthday that should be here in the mail in a few weeks. i really wish she wouldn't open my mail, this is making my plan very difficult.


people make me so angry.

chocolate rain(remix)HILARIOUS.



i wish i would've heard this song months ago;
Kanye West(ft. John Mayer)-Bittersweet
(excuse the site, NSFW)

the research

I've got a lot to research for my 3rd essay in my English class. I'm doing mine on the Holocaust, I haven't picked a subtopic yet, because it's hard to find information on Dresden. I checked out Maus I & II, and Night from the library while i was there. I've been meaning to read them anyways.

I have to write an essay for my college application soon, although I can't send in my entire application until I get my SAT scores. My test date isn't till June 6th, so I won't get my scores until July, ugh. If i don't get in, I'll have to stay here in San Francisco. I'm stressed out.
For the essay, I have to pick one picture and write 1-2 pages about it's emotional meaning to me. This is tough, because I don't get emotionally attached to my pictures enough to write 1-2 pages about one specific photo. I figure I'll just pick one of my sister and talk about how much she means to me, easy enough I guess.

I need to call my real dad before I graduate. stress stress stress.

"'cause I wonder sometimes.
about the outcome.
Of a still verdict-less life,
am I living it right?"

the last thing

Lying with you now is perfectly fine. You keep me from feeling lonely, but keeping myself distanced a little is just to keep myself safe. I don't plan on being in a relationship if I am leaving in a few months. I don't need someone keeping tabs on me and I don't want to turn back into the person I was for the last for the last 4 years, which is someone's girlfriend. Love is always fleeting, especially at my age, and seriousness at this point is completely ridiculous.

We'll have our fun for now, but this will not turn into a relationship.

Is this the last thing you ever imagined me saying?

the train

no i'm not color blind
i know the world is black and white
i try to keep an open mind
but i just can't sleep on this tonight

stop this train i want to get off and go home again
i can't take the speed it's moving in
i know i can't
but honestly, won't someone stop this train

don't know how else to say it,
i don't want to see my parents go
one generation's length away
from fighting life out on my own

stop this train
i want to get off and go home again
i can't take the speed it's moving in
i know i can't
but honestly won't someone stop this train

so scared of getting older
i'm only good at being young
so i play the numbers game
to find away to say that life has just begun

had a talk with my old man
said "help me understand"
he said "turn sixty-eight"
"you'll renegotiate"

"don't stop this train
don't for a minute change the place you're in
and don't think i couldn't ever understand
i tried my hand
john, honestly we'll never stop this train"

once in a while, when it's good
it'll feel like it should
when you're all still around
and you're still safe and sound
and you don't miss a thing
till you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

singing stop this train i want to get out and go home again
i can't take this speed it's moving in
i know i can't
cause now i see i'll never stop this train.


thank you john mayer.

the single life

Living the single life is really paying off. First, the awesome incident at Justice, and now this!

having. a. blast.

Happy birthday, that was my real gift to you. HA!

the brakes

i bought a chair at urban, and sat on it during the ride home on bart.

mike took me to try out his new brakes, and for slurpees.

the extentions/results

i didn't win the photography contest, i don't even want to talk about the ones who did.

BUT I got extensions!

(click to enhance shit quality.)

the shame

I attended the anti-China pro-Tibetan rally today in my glorious home of San Francisco. I swear this has got to be one of the only places in this country where demonstrations are openly accepted and not only acknowledged by the officials, but protected.

I cannot explain what really happened any better than this article on Sfgate.com has.

The pro-Chinese bullied and instigated us, but we stood our ground peacefully. It was not only clear that the Chinese out-numbered us, but obvious that the Chinese Consulate bused in protesters from around the state. They waved their obnoxiously giant flags in front of our signs pleading for the human rights of the Tibetan people. I couldn't help but get emotional watching both sides being held apart by police. At another point I glanced behind me to see a Tibetan man, who was also a banner-holder, crying in disbelief of the chaos ensuing around him when all he is asking is for peace.

The only way I can give you an accurate depiction of how today actually went, is from what I saw and what I experienced. I took pictures, but technical difficulties prevent me from showing them to you.

I think the reason why I got so emotionally involved, was not only because of the killing and inhumane things happening in Tibet, but before we started marching down Embarcadero early in the morning, a Tibetan Buddhist man in front of me began to pray. Not loudly, but not softly, his prayer was the most soothing noise I would hear all day.

On a lighter note, the Olympic Torch got Rick Roll'd, I have video of that too. I love the internet!

the application

I applied to The Art Institute of Boston at Lesley University, today.

I can't believe I actually am taking this huge step across the country. I talked with my uncle today, and he help me let go of every doubt. He said that I might as well take advantage of the only time in my life when I can do what I want.

I sent my application in, and I will wait to hear from them to send in my portfolio and transcript. 77% of applicants were submitted last year, so i figure my chances are pretty good. Only 25% accepted actually enrolled, so even though I applied late, I probably will be able to get in. I really hope this works out, I'd hate to hit another huge snag in this long bumpy road towards choosing a college.

the undecided

some are faced with the challenge of deciding their major when they go to college, I am faced now with the decision of what college I'm actually going to. I am going to lay out my college options in a list.
-Academy of Art SF (like the original plan)
-Art Institutes (Boston and Philadelphia are the only two cities offering Photography that I would actually consider living in)
-Community college until I decide what to do or where to go

I'm stumped.
The last option is by far the worst, and I didn't even want to put it on the list. The thing is that I'm not even sure I want to be a photographer. Its not that I don't want to go to college, in my family it's not an option. I just don't want to be stuck in community trying to figure out where to go next.

confused. so confused.

the apology

im sorry im sorry im sorry i've been putting off my stories from friday.

Alright so I woke up as planned, on time, and went to my brother and sister's swimming lessons. Then we got delicious vegetarian (I think i'm converting my mom) burritos at Tres Amigos in Half Moon Bay. Then i grabbed a grip of energy boosting snacks, because I knew I was going to crash. After the Red Bull i was pumped to go to my old park and take pictures of my metal fire truck. When we got there, it was gone. Not just the fire truck, but everything. The entire park had been ripped out. I started to cry, it was yet another reminder that I am no longer a child and i will never go back to my childhood.

"you can't be what you were so you better start being just what you are."-Fugazi

That quote gets me through some days.

I went to my mom's spa and got to see where she works now, the place is amazing. Then I went to Daly City BART to meet Ian, and we went to the Musee Mechanique at pier 45. We got off at Embarcadero, me being the idiot not realizing how far the walk would be, decided not to take Muni. It was sunny and the walk was nice, and we reached our destination, so it all worked out in the end.
The Musee was unbelievable. I forgot to mention the motivation for wanting to go to this. Both Ian and I just read the 33 1/3 book for In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, and Jeff Mangum was inspired by the Musee Mechanique. When you look around, you can definately see the influence. How ever incredibly racist and creepy some of the exhibits might've been, it was amazing to see relics from the early 1900's. I wish i could post pictures from it, but you know the story with my camera. ugh.
We walked back from Pier 45 to Powell Street, once again not realizing how incredibly far it was. Keith and I once walked from North Beach to Embarcadero, and it didn't seem that far. I passed by one of my friends from high school on Market street, it was a little awkward. He waved and said hello at least. Ian and I found a hidden restaurant on Powell which was actually really good and cheap. Then I dragged him into Urban Outfitters, because for the first time in months I had money to spend. I bought another Munny (which in turn morphed into poor Jewish newspaper boy), and a pretty black shirt. I only spent 20 dollars, too. I was exhausted on the drive home, but we listened to Aeroplane and it turned into a soothing experience. All in all, a good day.

I'm going to start posting "Diggs of the Day" on here, because there's always one good hilarious news story in Top Topics everyday. Today will be Bill O'Reilly Gets Goatse'd.
and if you don't know what Goatse is, google it immediately. I hope you haven't just eaten.

the recent work

I know I haven't written about the Musee Mechanique yet, but I will later in this very post.

I thought I'd share with you some of the things I've been working on/completed lately. You've already seen my Andy Panda Munny, this morning I finished up working on my poor Jewish newspaper boy who i have yet to officially name. And also my Anne Frank stencil/painting I have yet to finish.

there is Andy Pandy in all his monochromed glory.

and here is poor Jewish boy, he's such a cutie! figuring out his eyes was the most difficult part, it looks a little weird in these pictures, but I did a lot of detail on him.

this here is my Anne Frank stencil, it's on a large board and her face covers the entire right side, i don't know how to finish it quite yet.

also, sorry for the poor quality photos, my camera still hates my computer and won't recognize it. i had to use my webcam.

I just got news that I have to work in an hour, so I'll edit this with news from yesterday when the kids go to sleep over there!

the judgement

i feel like we need movement for acceptance of Atheists, apparently this politician believes we are "destroying the state."

I'm too tired to argue this, I'll finish it tomorrow.

the cream filled

It's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep as usual, so I'll write down my itinerary for today, its jam-packed with eventfulness.

1.Wake-up at 9, shower, possibly eat.
2.Leave my house at 10:30, drive to Half Moon Bay with my mom, sister and brother for their swim lessons at 11 and 11:30.
3. Around 12:20 we leave swim lessons, drive to San Carlos and go to Brittan Park to eat lunch. Play on the metal fire truck, have mad flashbacks of being in elementary school. My mom used to take me there all the time. I hate being in the peninsula because it brings back really weird deja vu that I don't know how to deal with. You know when you're a kid and you grow up thinking that something looked one way but when you go back to it years later it's not the way you remembered it, it feels uneasy? might be just me since I left the bay when I was 9 and didn't come back to live here until I was 16.
4. I have an appointment at my mom's spa at 3
5. Rush back to Daly City to meet Ian at BART at 4:30
6. Take BART to embarcadero, walk to the pier for a night filled with fun at The Musee Mecanique.
7. Fun nonsense around the city
8. Come home!

should be quite fun, i get to be in a place I hate and a place I love in the same day.

(my day isn't cream filled, but if the shoe fits...)

the tactics

I've been getting down about living in America lately, following this election and seeing all of the tactics being used to sway voters one way or another. I have been outspoken on my view against Hillary Clinton, not only for her policies, but the way she's handled her campaign from the beginning. I'm not pointing any fingers directly, but the whole scandal of someone bringing up the fact that Sen. Obama might be a Muslim made me feel sorry for humanity. Hillary's response wasn't shining either, instead of denying the fact that he might be a Muslim, she should have just said, "so what if he is?" This just proves that people are still stereotyping Muslims as terrorists, or something wrong. Just because one extremist group, who happen to be radical Muslims, commits an act of terror doesn't mean they all are out to hurt America. And I'm not just pointing fingers at Americans, go to any comment on a stupid YouTube video posted by an American and there will be at least one that says something to the effect of "stupid Americans." Or a racist YouTube video posted by an American, there will be at least one comment to the effect of "redneck Americans." America is a huge country, I mean really, its enormous, and in every part the people are different. Mentalities of the people in the south differ from the mentalities of the people in the northern east coast, and it's been that way for centuries, why do you think there was a civil war? I have lived and been to every part of this country enough to tell you that we are all different, and stereotyping Americans as gun-crazed rednecks is just as stupid as some Americans stereotyping all Muslims or people of the Islamic faith, terrorists.

I've been reading a lot of books, and watching a lot of movies and documentaries about Socialist East Germany and how they used the later renamed Patriot-Act to stalk supposed anti-party civilians. I can't help but wonder if I'll be put on the terror watch for blogging this.

i forgot to share the Munny i painted on Easter with all of you! He's an edgy Panda, I named him Andy. His glasses are so adorable, I'm thinking of painting them green.

I got news today that I'll be house-sitting for a week in the end of April, which means I get an awesome house to myself for a week just to let dogs in and out all day. I'm looking forward to my week of solitude, i shouldn't even ask her to pay me, she's doing me the favor. I'm not throwing a party in her house, and I'm not letting anyone over, so don't ask. Seriously, I'm more responsible than that! She's done so much for me, giving me the Nikon 2000 SLR with 2 lenses, and she gave me another camera she doesn't use today. She's hooked me up with other clients who needed babysitters, and she told me about the photography contest. I'm really thankful to have someone like her in my life.

In other news, my t-mobile rebate came in today and also my tax return! I'm not cashing my tax return until my parents leave for their vacation in May, during the week of my birthday, so I can use that money for my tattoo (which has now been ultimately decided upon as the crummy paint drawing I did below). I'm using my t-mobile rebate to finish dying my hair blond, I'm too lazy to do it myself so I'm going to my mom's salon to get it done.honestly, it'll make more sense when you see it actually drawn out, and I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to put the quote, "..how strange it is to be anything at all.."

Today is also April Fools day, so I've played a sick trick on my Mom for her to find when she gets home from work. I took a screen shot of her desktop, set it as her desktop background, hid her task bar and desktop icons, so when she tries to click anything it won't work because its only a picture of her desktop. i got the idea from Digg, I'm not a genius, but I am in fact, a nerd.