One day, I'm going to drive myself absolutely insane with all of these over-analyzations. No matter how hard i try to trust, I can't, and I know this is only going to hurt me in the long run. The saddest part is that it has nothing to do with you, it's completely inside of me. I don't bring it up anymore with you because I hate to bother you with it when i know its neither your fault or something you can fix. I will lose to this, i know it. I hate my mind and how it races, that's why i can never sleep. And thats why I'm awake at 1:30 in the morning writing about something that has and always will be an internal conflict.
"But as for me I'm coming to my final failure,
I've killed myself with changes trying to make it better,
But I still ended up becoming something other,
Than what I had planned to be."-A Perfect Sonnet
I couldn't cry, so i watched videos of Heath Ledger, and that did it.
To tell you the truth, out of all the things i'm afraid of, I'm the most scared of dying and other people around me dying before i do. The entire idea of someone being there and now they aren't, makes me so depressed and scared, even when i didn't know them. I can't believe you told me I was stupid for being afraid of death. Maybe you weren't because thats what you really wanted all along.
"Because that's all that you'll get so you'll have to accept,
You are here and then you're gone."-A Perfect Sonnet
I can feel a sad rut coming on, bear with me.
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