the jealousy

i love that you call me at one in the morning to ask me why im sad. i love that you put up with the fact that i'm almost always running late. i love that you make my day with even the shortest phone call. i love that we can go shopping together and you don't complain even once. i love that we teach each other new things every day. i love that you try to act interested when i complain about how boring high school life is.
i hate that i got mad at you for more than one reason you can't control.
i hate that they get to spend every day with you, and i feel like i've become put aside and i'm something from back home that should be left there, even though i know (i hope) thats not what you're thinking/aiming for when you can't talk long.
i know that half the things i'm jealous of don't exist and will cause both of us sadness and i'll continue being nothing but an endless pit of raging jealousy over something ridiculous.
the truth is that i just miss you, i miss you so much.
my entire week is so shitty and all i have to look forward to is the weekend when you come home, and now it might be a few weeks before you come back. i know you can't control this, and i'm not mad about it at all, i just want to see you and be with you. is that hard to understand? that all i want is to hug you and talk to you at the same time, and all of this "missing" stuff turns into a ridiculous amount of anger towards nothing, just anything that gets in my way.

all i want to do is just love you and hold your hand.