saw keith today for the first time in 3 weeks, i missed him a lot. we saw Wristcutters, it was so so great. i'm tired, really.
Today i've realized how badly i don't want to get old and how i'm so afraid to die. I wonder if i'm in one of those "what does this all mean" stages. i don't know how i got here and i don't know whats going to happen. i need to take another trip to portland just to talk to my grandma, she's the only one who gets me out of these kind of situations. Everytime i'm in a bad stage i go to visit her and everything else seems right again. i feel so bad about myself, everything i've done, everything i am. i'm so afraid, i don't know what to do.
" When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"
at this moment, i've never felt so alone.
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