the open house

considering the conditions of my heart in mourning, this morning i woke up in a good mood. I was in such a deep sleep, i never moved once. I had a panic attack at around 3am, and getting to sleep after that was difficult.

I went to the Academy of Art's Open House today. I talked with an adviser and figured a lot of things out. I went over to the photography studios, and showed my portfolio to the instructors. They said I had some great stuff, and i had an "eye" for it. I don't know if thats just a stock compliment though.

My dad tried to talk me out of housing because its expensive, but I will find a way to make it work. We ate lunch and had an in depth conversation. I guess for the past 2 months he's been really worried about me, because all I do is sleep and look depressed, he thought I had no drive. He's happy that I'm going to college, even though its an art school, i think he understands me now. He had no idea so much work went into being an "artist." He said his main concern about me living on my own is that i have zero self confidence in anything I do. He used my soccer "career" as an example, i was apparently pretty good, but I never thought so. I still feel that way about everything I do now. I don't know if it's the expensive aspect about the dorms that he's worried about. I think he doesn't want to accept the fact that I'm leaving and starting my life on my own. The more and more time I spend with my dad, the more and more I don't want to talk to my biological one.