the truth

im afraid to get out of high school and be on my own.
as much as i may despise the idea of my generation, what will i do when im not in high school? what is the purpose of a teenage girl without a high school?
i desperately want to move out of "the house," it seems as though i dont even have a house anymore, i live in my step-grandparent's built on room. im definately sure i dont have a home, its not in this place. It's not portland either.
i love san francisco, i love the option of going to the city every friday with keith, and anyone i want to see play, i get to see.
im afraid to go to community college and transfer some other place.
i'm afraid to tell someone who considers me a friend, that i am a royal backstabber.
i'm afraid of being alone, and get old without experiencing the best and worst times of my life.
this is the poem i wrote for my final project in english, i hated the assignment and the idea of "slam poetry," so i just wrote it to piss people in my class off. they're all narrow minded anyways, hence the last line.

Open your closed mind, or shut your mouth.
Close your judgmental eyes, or shut off your tv.
Open your polluted ears, or walk away.
It's been a cruel punishment, in a cruel world, for an old soul.
I've been locked up since i was 5,
Forced to converse with empty minds and shallow hearts.
As an observer I have formed my own opinions,
"You cannot love without the love of god," she told me.
As an observer i saw no love, i saw no god.
God would have saved eric's brother, ryan's mother, jake's father, grandma's sister.
I've been force fed misleading guidance, biblical morals, and empty promises.
Just like those empty promises i made to those children being brainwashed in North Dakota, to the innocent of the countries we've been bombing, to that little girl whos been missing.
I'll save you, i promised them, i'd save them you know?
I'd be the savior they were dreaming of.
Just as i dreamed as a child that my dad would come back for me.
15 years later, and the dreams seem unattainable.
So close your mind, plug your ears, shut your eyes.
Because you haven't absorbed a single word i just said.