Monday, June 25, 2007

the emotional part of me

i hate when the emotional part of me comes out. i cried when i was happy and then when i was sad and then when i heard a pretty song and saw the ocean at night.
i hate ruining things. i mean, i love this guy. how could i not love him? when im with him nothing matters, i dont even answer my phone, i dont wash my hands every five seconds. when im away from him, he's all i can think about. this is love right? or am i just wanting someone to love me back?
i hate not being able to tell.
i just feel like i dont deserve him, really.
he's so great and hes got so much going for him, but what do i have? i take horrible care of myself, i dont have any real goals, and i complain most of the time, i can't do art. i hide behind all of this fucking make up and hair color and just expect people to like me for the complete lie of a personality i have.
god, i dont deserve you at all.

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