the purpose

i started this blog in hope that none of the people i censor myself for on my other ones, will read it.
im really tired of having to watch what i say about things and about people and about my secret that shouldn't be a secret. i spend every Friday after school with my "secret" boyfriend. i wish there was a better word than secret, it sounds so filthy. "closet" boyfriend makes him sound like a budding homosexual. Maybe i'll call him my "ambiguous boyfriend," it makes him sound mysterious. The point is, this entire situation is the type of situation that is uncomplicated, and we all know there is one solution, but we all chose to make it about something that it completely is not. i'm not going to lie to you though, what i did was a pretty malicious thing to do. "Stealing" your "best friend's" crush. I use my quotations wisely here because i do not consider it stealing" and i do not consider her my "best friend." Yes, i mean we spent a lot of time together this year, but on an intellectual, emotional level, she in no way shape or form even has a chance in the running for the title of my "best friend." I had to hang out with her, because the girl who i would consider being my "best" friend, never comes to school, and in a sense I had no choice. I've established with myself, and also with my friend Craig, that i have a semi-heart. Because i have the balls to "steal" her crush from underneath her constantly infected nose, but i don't have the courage to tell her. If you only knew the whole story though, really. It goes as follows;
Lets begin with the characters.
Candace, Keith, Tiffany, Krystle, Me.
Candace and Keith have been friends since elementary school, live within blocks of each other, etc. Tiffany and Krystle, are sisters who are both friends with Keith, Candace and Myself. I swear a few months ago we were like a dream team, until i started to get annoyed with Tiffany's childish un funny antics, and it suddenly turned into Candace, Keith, and Myself.
Well, Tiffany had a crush on Keith all last summer, and for some idiotic reason she never made a move on him. She finally tried something about 2 months ago, and he rejected her. Obviously because she waited too long, right? Well thats what we all thought, until one day he revealed to us he never liked her, ever. His exact words, "I mean, i tried to like her, i really did. I thought about it a lot, about how perfect it would be since we 're all friends and we could all hang out, but then i REALLY though about it, and i realized that i've never had a good conversation with her, ever. I mean, how are you supposed to date someone you can't even talk to?"
I became the master chef to the shit stirring pot about a month ago when we all hung out one Friday night like we do, all of us friends, every week. Except, Keith revealed his love for me to Candace. Now this is the kicker, I'd had a crush on Keith for a long time, even when i knew tiffany liked him. Since the first time i met him i knew he was perfect. If you know me at all you'd know that i was on my quest for my Seth Cohen, and by god it ended at his feet. So i was really excited about this, and we had a good time, we went to an arcade and keith and i played games together all night, and of course Tiffany has to be the attention seeker and CRY, yes im not lying to you, CRY, because we played skeeball together all night while she mopped around with a headache.
To make a long story short, keith and i secretly had a crush on each other for weeks until we finally hung out one friday just us two, exploring the city. We've done this 3 fridays in a row now. After the first week i had to tell him how i felt and then he told me he felt the same way, as i pretended i didnt know since candace had told me a month before.
So we're officially dating now.
My birthday party was the shining moment though, getting drunk and having him take care of me without thinking i was a total creep was the best part of my night.
This last friday was the greatest though, really. He isnt afraid to kiss me in public, to just sit for an hour in one place where theres a lot of people, or just a few, and just kiss and smile and be happy to be with each other.
No one else i was ever with, could do that. To be able to sit on the steps in union square at night and have the lights and the stars and the realness to just be with each other, is something i've been wanting out of life for a long time.
He's polite and funny and smart and he understands where im coming from. I understand where he is stressed out and feels like the world is ridding on his shoulders, i understand that. Maybe not quite as much as he does, since he has won more awards throughout high school than anyone in my whole family has won in our past.

He is the perfect guy, the 100 percent, the seth cohen, and thats the reason its hard for me to feel bad about being with him while my "friend" sits at home unknowingly. I really try not to consider her a friend, i can't stand about 90% of the things that come out of her mouth, and everything she believes in.
There is only 4 other people besides Keith and myself that know about us. One of them being Tiffany's sister. Sometimes i wish she would just tell her and just sit back and watch as Tiffany tries to justify this as a brutal attack towards her, since you know, everything is about her. And thats the problem, i didn't do this to get back at her for being an inmature spoiled terror. I did it for Keith, because of Keith, because of the way i felt for Keith.

I guess you can consider me a terrible friend, but what do you call it when its an unrequited friendship?