the shadows

I have relatives coming out the ass on Myspace. It's like all these people are coming out of the shadows and are trying to make an attempt to love me now.

I agreed to meet up with Carrie next week, and I'm excited. I feel like she deserves a chance at having a relationship with me, no matter how long it has taken her. She is really trying to give me my space, but keep in contact, and is not pushing me to accept her as my Grandmother, I was the one who suggested we meet up next week.

I came back from dinner and got a message from someone named Donna, stating that she's my dad's wife and they've been trying to contact me. I know that they've been trying to get a hold of me, calling my Grandma in Oregon and leaving their number. The thing is, I don't care. I don't want to talk to him just yet. It's sort of a strategy that has just placed itself in my hands. Carrie contacted me first, so she deserves the first shot. It's sort of like when you eat left-overs from your fridge. First, you unwrap it, put it in the microwave heat it up a bit, then you get to the big prize. Carrie is the unwrapping, and the heat is our meeting next week. The prize has yet to be won.

I told her that I haven't called for a reason, and also about meeting Carrie and wanting to see how this goes first. She replied just now saying it's alright, we don't want you to feel uncomfortable blah blah, your Dad wants to talk to you, your Dad wants to see you, blah blah.

Dad is a foreign word to me, and it's still weird to say it. I don't call Joey "Dad", i never have, but I do consider him my father. All of this nonsense is exactly that, nonsense. Why couldn't they have just not fucked up in the beginning? Because now they're going to spend the rest of their lives making-up for it.