the sadness

"im not your second, im not your third, i'll be yr bird." -M. Ward "I'll Be Yr Bird"


i'll be gone for a while, without my safety net, (candace, keith). im starting to feel incomplete already. i haven't seen him since tuesday, and i wont see him again until july 21st. it doesnt feel real just yet. i feel so underminded around him, like he deserves better than this wreck i've made for myself. maybe hes just as much as a wreck, inside. everytime im with him i just want us to be alone, with no one else around. just be able to sit there and talk without anyone remotely close. theres always other people around, watching talking eating walking judging, and i want them to go away. i want tons of people to go away, just to make us less complicated. even though shes not in the picture anymore, she still annoys the shit out of me, when we're around her sister we still act like its a secret. maybe im just confused? is this all a huge joke on me? its really been to good to be true, and im so scared for the future. im scared of all of this ending, this good feeling, it almost makes it not worth it.

i dont know whats going to happen in the future, and im so afraid.