The Best

One of the benefits of Albany being small is that you can always count on getting to know someone by asking the people around you what they know, and they're usually right. I always welcome first impressions, even if you don't feel like giving me one. If you can't project yourself according to who you are, then who the fuck are you? The guest should not forgo manners just because they are not the host, people are still judging you. How else can you judge someone who doesn't speak, except by their actions? When you assault someone in my home you are essentially ridding yourself of my respect by not being able to have the human decency to control your actions, drunk or sober, you are a disrespectful bitch.

WELL, now that this is all out of the way.

5 more days until California! It doesn't even feel real, having been here for two years non-stop also seems unreal to me at this point. I've kept in such close contact with my immediate family I feel like we've been anticipating this trip since I was 18. Things have changed in my 'adult' mind and I'm really looking forward to long talks with my mother, just us two. It's been a long time since I've been able to talk to someone who I feel like could love me no matter what I've done or what I'm about to say. My feelings towards my father have changed as well as towards my step-father.

Getting to know Connor has led me to so many conclusions about my own life and my past, for the better. We both grew up on the opposite sides of the discipline spectrum but in retrospect, our lives have so much in common. I won't go into detail, I'll spare you the sap story, but I really do feel like in my parents mind they felt like they were protecting me all those years while in actuality they were fueling my anger and resentment for punishing me for ridiculous things. I did feel, and still do feel like the black sheep of the family and I don't think this will change until people in my family start being honest with me and themselves. We never were the perfect family, we never will be because people make mistakes. All I want you to do is look in the mirror and discontinue the cycle, for my siblings sake.

I grew up hating myself and not feeling good enough because of the constant dramatized discipline, 1 minute late was 1 week locked in my house, a B+ could've been an A, but I just wasn't. The American dream is dead for those who were not born into the top one percent, we should stop shoving achievements up every child's ass and start teaching them common sense. Maybe we should pay less attention to being an 'A' and pay more attention to being what you are, that must make me a pretty content B+.