The Truth Shall Set Me Behind

There is no way to describe the feeling of finding recent naked pictures of your boyfriend's ex girlfriend in his email inbox. The bad part is that I wasn't snooping, they were just there. I was looking for the recordings Mike was supposed to send us of our band practicing the other night. I wish he would've had a great excuse, too. But he didn't, and I am stuck here wondering where I should be stuck. The worst part is that I never thought he would do it to me.

Remember over the summer when she came to visit and it was the end of the world because I was the bitch girlfriend asking questions about why she was even there. I was reassured time and time again that she "mean't nothing," and was "just a friend." He has spent the last year making me trust him when she's around, but I'm not fucking stupid. Remember last New Years Eve when he was here in New York at a party with her "flirting" and "maybe kissing" and I had to hear it from the other side of the country? Guess who was the crazy one then too. This is making me question every single second that he has ever spoken to me, I don't know when he's told the truth.

He is my best fucking friend on earth. We wake up together, we eat together, we hang out together, we play in a band together, we go to sleep together, and to tell you the truth I don't think I could do that with anyone else. But now I feel like I can't look at him the same anymore.

If I wasn't stuck here in New York, I would not be here in our room. I'm stuck between a cheating boyfriend and being broke. It is quite possibly one of the worst places to be stuck. On top of all this, the job at the farm is boring and mindless work, easy money. I need something to occupy my mind, not numb it. Josh has already done that for me this week.

here are those fucking recordings anyways.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SY66EFEJ

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=LVE4ILB1