I watched Into the Wild again for the third time. No matter how many times I watch it I walk away feeling alone and afraid to be on my own. Although I'm living with my grandparents I live almost completely independently. I'm never home, I'm usually at work or at Josh's house, so I feel like I'm just wandering around until I feel sick enough to go back to my room and think too much about the things I'm afraid of. I will never be brave enough to burn all my money and leave everyone behind, just to find myself and my place in this life. There are a lot of things I do not know and a lot of things I will never know or understand, and one of them is complete happiness. I can't remember a time in my life thus far when I have been completely happy or even content with my current situation. There has always been something to worry about, something to be angry about, or something to cry about. At the rate I'm going at I don't know if I'll ever know what happiness feels like for more than a few hours.
Tonight is the first night I've been home since last Sunday night, i can't ever sleep here.
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