I spent four days home in the Bay Area and I definitely did not want to come back here. My returned arrival was less pleasant than expected, but I should have expected that. I can't help but feel pushed around by the men in my life, at work, at my house. I am always wrong, too slow, or completely ignored. Maybe its not the fact that I am a woman, but the person I am entirely. I'm starting to unravel a little.
At work I've had to completely detach from the food and focus on the job. The quality of the product is absolutely disgusting and depressing. How can I love to cook food I would never eat? Not to mention the men I work with are going to great lengths to get me off of the line. The first few weeks I was there they all made jokes about how I'll be their supervisor one day, and now with 6 minute, sometimes 4 minute ticket times, I am "too slow." Every day is physically and mentally exhausting.
Daily routines are going back to being a struggle for me, I blame it on depression. The three months I was golden in the beginning of this year I woke up on time, feeling like I actually slept, I was eating on a schedule, I had things to do and I got them done. Its amazing how certain people and places can make you have a completely different mind-set. All this time I felt like I had gained all the weight back that I had lost, coming to find I haven't budged a number. When I was home in the Bay Area, I felt good and comfortable in my body again. What I see in the mirror changes depending on the attitudes around me and where my mind is at, its strange but makes sense.
I need a friend here, someone who has common interests and aspirations above themselves. Personally, I do love who I am and I am tired of people who think I need to change. All the angry unhappyness is apart of me just as much as my completely impulsive happyness is. I have always said, if you can't get angry at something, what are you fighting for?
"See things do come around,
and make sense eventually,
Things do come around,
but some things trouble me
The people I've met and the places I've been,
are all what make me the man I so proudly am,
But I want to know one thing, when did I become a ghost?
I'm most confused about the world I live in,
To think that I'm lonely well I probably am,
One thing that still gets me,
When did I become a ghost?"
At work I've had to completely detach from the food and focus on the job. The quality of the product is absolutely disgusting and depressing. How can I love to cook food I would never eat? Not to mention the men I work with are going to great lengths to get me off of the line. The first few weeks I was there they all made jokes about how I'll be their supervisor one day, and now with 6 minute, sometimes 4 minute ticket times, I am "too slow." Every day is physically and mentally exhausting.
Daily routines are going back to being a struggle for me, I blame it on depression. The three months I was golden in the beginning of this year I woke up on time, feeling like I actually slept, I was eating on a schedule, I had things to do and I got them done. Its amazing how certain people and places can make you have a completely different mind-set. All this time I felt like I had gained all the weight back that I had lost, coming to find I haven't budged a number. When I was home in the Bay Area, I felt good and comfortable in my body again. What I see in the mirror changes depending on the attitudes around me and where my mind is at, its strange but makes sense.
I need a friend here, someone who has common interests and aspirations above themselves. Personally, I do love who I am and I am tired of people who think I need to change. All the angry unhappyness is apart of me just as much as my completely impulsive happyness is. I have always said, if you can't get angry at something, what are you fighting for?
"See things do come around,
and make sense eventually,
Things do come around,
but some things trouble me
The people I've met and the places I've been,
are all what make me the man I so proudly am,
But I want to know one thing, when did I become a ghost?
I'm most confused about the world I live in,
To think that I'm lonely well I probably am,
One thing that still gets me,
When did I become a ghost?"
On a sadder note;
I lost a friend this past week and death never sits well with me. We werent the best friends in the whole world but he was still someone I knew and worked closely with, he was a super dude, always good to me. Its sad for someone to lose their life at the age of 23, and still somehow it doesn't help me appreciate my own. RIP Burger, I know you're making some "on point" breakfast sandwiches in the stars.
1 comment:
You sound like you are empathic , that would explain so much of why you are effected by other people's energies !
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